Homeland Security Outraged Over New Water Torture at Citi Field

Seems the secret is out. Since Guantanamo Bay was closed, reports "leaked" today that the government has been showing live feeds of Met games as cruel and unusual punishment. A high ranking official indicated that today's "waterboarding" will no longer be tolerated in the future:

"The umpires, if they had any mercy at all, could have stopped this abuse of the home team countless times due to rain, but they didn't. It was obvious the Mets were in way over their head, which coincidentally is exactly how waterboarding works in the first place."

And the official was right. In fact, home plate umpire Jerry Crawford even had to be removed from the game for not complying with the edict. (Sure, they SAY it was back pains, but it's obviously another government coverup conspiracy aimed at abusing home baseball fans for shelling out countless dollars to watch uninspired garbage for almost 4 hours plus a rain delay.)

Personally, I'd take waterboarding over what I saw today. The Mets bullpen, once considered a strong point, is an abject joke. Bobby Parnell (again) and Sean Green (again once again) gave up a combined 6 runs without even recording an out between the two. And it would have been way more than that if Ken Takahasi and Pedro Feliciano didn't somehow pull rabbits out of a hat for outs.

Pelf didn't have it. Manuel's clueless as a manager. Church is somehow hitting .276 without any consistency whatsover (are they counting his outs into his batting average?). David Wright continues his torrid hitting without driving in runs and the whole team has made "bases loaded, no out" into a no-run situation. Brian Schneider hit a 3-run shot, his second in the series, to give the Mets a short lived lead in this game, but you knew the bullpen would give it right back - which they did.

This really was torture. The first three Tampa batters went a combined 11 for 16 - WOW!!! That's hitting. And the Mets are now 2-8 this season in rubber games as well as losing every series this month, save the last place Nationals. Add the water and you have an unbearable situation which did not make for a nice Fathers Day gift.

Citi Field... Guantanamo...? Citi Field... Guantanamo...? Tough choice...